Well I am managing to fool around with Myspace more. It is quite fun, actually. I will post my URL. Feel free to add me if you want!

http://www.myspace.com/pockygirl_09


There we go.
Have a fun-filled fun life!

Well I thought I was going to the movies tonight with Molly and a BUNCH of people. We were going to watch "Pirates of the Caribbean II" at midnight, but it turns out there wasn't a midnight show tonight. Molly said she would call again tomorrow to see if we could go then. Now I am stuck at home with nothing to do except find layouts for my MySpace. *sigh*...oh well, it could be worse. I managed to burn my hand on the 4th of July while lighting a bottle rocket. (Go me!!) Heh....I can never seem to go a single day without hurting myself. Oh well. Hopefully my party will be soon. I may not have it THIS Saturday, either. I will have to see how things go. Like I said, I am taking it one day at a time.

What is the deal with this stupid 'effin Brandon Maddox? All he does is try to manipulate me into crap. He just sent me an email telling me about how I was telling Sam that I used to be a slut-type. Well for one thing, I don't even remember writing something like that in this journal, and if I DID, Brandon should not get upset over it. (Sounds like Brandon is JEALOUS???) Well Brandon if you are reading this you shouldn't be jealous...or if you aren't jealous, you shouldn't be mad. Why would YOU care what i say to Sam anyway? You hate him. So it's not like he is gonna go and tell the whole 'effin world about it...Oh yes, and Brandon...you are the one telling me to never talk to you again, when all YOU do is be the first to IM ME, and you are the one that has called ME. So, if anything you should say, "I WON'T ever call or IM you ever again." GOT IT??? I sure hope so...Gosh I swear if you do anything to make my life more of a hell than it is now, I will send you off in my OWN terms. I could tell your dad right now that you have snuck off while he wasn't home and you would get in even more trouble. I could...I really could. So might I suggest you leave me alone, or that will be the case. LOOOOSER!!!! ...ok, nothing else is dedicated for Brandon to read. Gosh I hope he grows up one day...Although, I doubt that will happen.

Phew. I nervous right now! I just e-mailed Sam and told him I liked him...wowies! This was a big step for me, because normally I don't tell someone I like them until they tell me that they like me, hehe. I received an automatic response from him saying he was on vacation, and that he would reply as soon as he returned. I'm nervous about what he is going to say. Ben was telling me before he left that I should get to know him and be his friend. I agree. I am not the one to just go full and date them when I don't know them THAT well. I know quite a bit ABOUT Sam, but I am not too familiar with him PERSONALLY. Oh well. Ben told me not to worry about it. He said that Sam isn't the type that dates a lot of girls, but that I have a chance with him. Yays! I hope so. I love his personality and the stuff he does. He is a competitive gymnast, he memorized world records, and his senseless humor is AMAZING! One day we were talking, it was just me and him at the lunch table a while back. He brought up the brand of his ginger ale, and started talking about how the Dr. Pepper company relates to them or something. LoL! I loved it. I just giggled through the whole conversation. I dunno, I thought might have been smitten or something. Anyway, I hope he replies soon. I want to know what he thinks of me. I really do. He seemed to like me at the lunch table. But when I got back with Brandon I stopped talking to Sam. I didn't want to make Brandon jealous or anything but I still wish that I had talked to him. Now that I look at it, I shouldn't have thought that Brandon would get jealous. That was pathetic of me. Now that I am single again, I realized a TON of things I did were pathetic...But I am not going to worry about that. It is all in the past and they are just memories now.

Like I said, Sam is awesome and I hope we can be friends if nothing else. (Although it would be nice if we dated, teh heh).

Okay, I am finished rambling with this...for now. I will write again when I get Sam's e-mail.

Today was ok I guess. I stayed over at Rachel's until about five p.m. or so, then drove home to find that my carpet was almost finished. I recently took everything out of my boxes and set it up in my room. I LOVE MY ROOM. I think I'll be in there more than any room in the house, LoL!

Once again, I got really depressed today and I don't know why.

Oh well...

Blah. Blah. Blah.

I was surprised like no other just now! I came into the living room and heard a "happy birthday" ring tone. I thought it was Chase trying to sing happy birthday to me with music, but it wasn't. What it really was...well...I GOT MY CELL PHONE!!! SQUEE!! I can't believe it. My mom really tricked me because she said she wasn't going to get it for me right now. But I have it so YAY! It isn't the one that I really wanted, but my mom said that if I can keep this one for a year without it getting stolen or damaged, I can go and get the one I really want. I am so happy! I missed having a cell phone of my own.

But now I have one.

I love this day.

I just returned from Lindsay's house. I spent the night with her last night and we had a blast! She introduced me to some cool cartoons. "PARONDIES", burb, omguh, wutuf, "the black and white cartoon about roof tiling."...(yea Lindsay if you are reading this you know what I am talking about, teh heh!) Today has been pretty good so far. I am officially 15 years old! I have already made twenty bucks, and I don't think we have to move. My carpet is going to be installed tomorrow. I am spending the night with my friend Rachel Beckman tonight. I am going over there between 4 and 6, and Molly and Cayce are coming over also. I think there is a surprise for me because my mom almost ruined it. I dunno but I am excited!

Plus, only one more year and I can drive.....SNEE-HAH!!

HAPPY MY BIRTHDAY!

15 years old.

things are getting a little brighter for me.

I guess...

Well I managed to tell my mom about my depression and that I am a cutter. I am going to a counselor sometime this week to get things straightened out. Hopefully everything will go uphill from here. Leigh is an awesome counselor, and I am praying that she can help me. We ARE moving back to bluegrass, so I think that will help. It won't be the same apartment, but at least I will be across from the school again, yay!...I will be closer to Lindsay, so that way when I get mad or need someone, I can just walk over to her house. Well I am grounded for the next five days. I only get one hour on the computer a day because I was up so late on there a few days ago. Things will get better, I know they will. I am trying to keep my chin up. Mom told me that I don't need to cut anymore. She did the whole "pinky promise" thing with me, so hopefully I can stay true to my word. I AM very depressed right now, but Leigh has helped me before. I know she can do it again. *attempts to keep chin high* ...well, once we are settled into our apartment, I hope that everything will settle down. I am sure it will. I have my friends to rely on (i.e. Molly and Lindsay)...I'm just glad my mom believes that I wouldn't try to commit suicide, because I would NEVER do that. I want to be that happy Stephanie that I always was, and hope to become once again. I just didn't want to feel like this anymore. Everyone says that I seem more down than I was, only because it's true. I think the friends that I have influence me to remain depressed and cut myself because they are cutters, also...not Molly and Lindsay, but my "other" friends.

hmm hmm...

Once again, I am stoked that we found a new place to move to so quickly. It MUST be God working through it all because I don't know what else it COULD be.

heh...

I wish I could go on with life carefree...right now I can't, but I am looking forward to a future that way. ^_^ I really am trying...I really am.

I would have told my mom sooner, but I was scared she would be mad at me or something. She said I could tell her anything I want, and..knowing me...I started crying. I'm so sensitive, and I don't know why..although, I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing. All I can do is pray that things go smoothly from here on out. *prays hard* I'm going to be optimistic, or try my hardest to be at least.

Today was rather bland. We spent all day looking at places to move. OMG, we looked at this one house going towards Lexington that was mostly underground...talk about SCARY! When we walked in, there was a lawn mower in the living room and a dryer on the driveway. There was grass on the top of the roof and it smelled AWFUL. I think the land owner was a rapist or something because he was saying stuff like "ooh, you're daughter is beautiful, come on and sit down over here with me!" ...grrsies, why do I have to be attractive to old creeps? o_O LoL! Well we didn't bother even looking at the rest of the house, because we knew already that we wouldn't be interested. Teh heh. Then we looked at a few apartment houses and we still have a duplex to look at tomorrow. I am pretty sure that we are going to move back to bluegrass, though. Thank GOD! I will be back right across from the school. Now I can go home for band camp, Squee! Yes, it isn't a DEFINITE, but I am about 90% sure that is what we are going to do.

Soooo...

Other than that, it has been a day like any other. Long. Boring. Music-filled.

But hey, at least church was today. ^_^ I am going to spend the night with Rachel Beckman Tuesday. And guess what? Tuesday is my lovely birthday!! Molly and Cayce are spending the night as well. ^_^ I love my friends. They cheer me up and such.

I don't know when my party is going to be, but I still hope I can get my cell phone soon. I may not get it right on Tuesday, but hopefully I WILL get it soon.

Pinch me, I must be dreaming. (owwies!)..ok I'm awake.

Once Again, I hate Brandon Michael Maddox at the moment. Why does he do what he does? RARGH! I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. >=( RARGH! I need a sharp pointed object. GARR!

Today was semi-interesting. I slept in until like 2:00, heh heh. o_O Reason being is because when we were at king's Island, we spent the night in a hotel the night before and I was lucky if I got even an hour of sleep. bleh! I hate hot rooms, and weird smells in them. Oh wells, I am energy-filled now and that's cool and such. I found out that I have to move again! Grrsies, I just moved like two weeks ago. We have a month to decide where we are moving, then it's adios to this place. The only disappointment is that my room here was awesome in all it's blueness. But I will manage to find another decent room wherever I move to ^_^ . Holy fudge pops! I love life, yet hate it at the same time. I can't quite figure out why I hate it. I have been thinking and nothing comes to mind. Maybe I am just forcing myself to think my life is awful, I dunno. Shoot, I don't even wanna think about it. Hmm *ponder ponder* ...I was talking to Stephen on the net earlier before I left to go to Applebees. I think we are going to go to the movies next week or weekend. He told me to call him tonight, but it is kind of late and I don't want to make his parents mad. I will give him a call tomorrow ^_^. I am glad that Stephen is nice and a good friend. He told me he really likes me a lot. I like him too actually. I don't know if we will date or not, we will just have to wait and see how things go. At least he works and isn't a bum, tee hee.


I think I am addicted to Avril and James Blunt. James' voice is so...Squee!..not like any other man's voice.

So yes this was my day.

Peoples, please go to my info, scroll down, and give me HUGS! I need multiple hugs! pleeeze. -_-

Today when me and Molly were mad, this was our theme song...


Daniel Powter
Bad Day

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oooh.. a holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

(yeah...)

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day


yes yes yes.

I'm back, I'm back. I wish I weren't because King's Island was awesome-o! I managed to try a new roller coaster called, "Face-off." 'Twas swell. We hit a few more roller coasters after that, then hit the water park. Man, that halter top of mine was getting annoying, but I dealt with it, considering that was all I had. @_@ Anyways, Molly and I were getting fed up with Greg because he was walking all fast (due to his advantage in leg length) and we couldn't keep up. Grrsies, I wanted to slap him...Me and Molly both.

Not to mention I had not eaten a THING all day...which developed into me walking into an air-conditioned room and almost passing out. My head started shaking uncontrollably and I was scared! v_v But now I is fine. Still, I didn't eat anything all day until 7:00 p.m. or so.


I think I am going through this thing where I don't want to eat at all. I dunno, but I have lost 5 pounds since school let out. People are all "You're developing into a bean pole." I'm like "Leave meh alone." Golly, it's MY body, and I can do WHATEVER I want to do with it...and I do. I have problems but I like them. *Hrmph* Oh wells, enough discussion about this...

Oh yes...I got asked out tonight by someone in my youth group, Lorenzo. What surprised me is that he is black (not that I am racist) and he is the gangsta type. He confronted me with this phrase...him: "Steph, are you putting in applications?" me: "err...no." him: "because you have a really pretty face." me: (blushing) "eheh, thanks." him: "can I be your man?" me: "err..umm...I dunno." Then he asked me if I would think about it, I could say nothing other than I would "think about it." Quite frankly, I would NEVER date this guy. No offense but he isn't my type at ALL. *ends discussion about this*


I hate constantly talking about boys on here, but that is about all that is going on right now. I am probably gonna go to the movies with Steven next week, and there are two other boys that like meh. hmm *ponders* why DO boys like me? I'm not gonna think about it.

tee hee, I is sleepy. Listening to Avril Lavigne right now. Oh yes! I was able to buy a black Green day T-shirt today and a black wrist band. They pimpin'! ^.^ eheh. Umm, going back to Avril, she is my girl! Nick told me today that she is making another album that won't be as "dark" as her other albums. I'm sorry, but that is Avril's type...bein' dark...and I like it. Oh well, I can give her a chance at change. Change can be good, actually. heck I have changed a LOT this past week. (for the better) hehe. Mind runnin' blank. Once again, I'm sleepy.

'Tis rather late to be writing, but quite frankly I am not that sleepy. I head to King's Island today at 6:30 p.m. I will return Thursday or early Friday. Can't wait. Woot woot! Fudge pops!, I have nothing to do. *ponders*...yes I managed to adopt five fetuses and a macho man boy thing who gave his girlfriend herpes o_O ...tee hee. I enjoy live journal. A lot.


In rather bland terms....

THE HORRIBLE PUTRID VACUUM OF A BLACK HOLE! AGG! SAVE THE CHILDREN! Took over my mind recently. Teh heh. I managed to pull out some notes way back when in seventh grade. They were notes from a previous boyfriend of mine, Blake Taylor. I love that kid. I mean...well...I don't LOVE him...oh, you know what I mean. ^_^



RANDOM GAS PITS SHALL CLOG YOUR LUNGS AND SEND YOU IN A SPIRALING WHIRLPOOL OF DEATH...I love it. If you think I'm weird, go away and deal with it...because I am. o_O *sticks tongue out*


*hunts down rabid squirrel and spooks* gotta split.


..Oh yes, and may I ask that you take a gander at my new inserts on my info page? Thank yee. They are perty intersting. ^.^

Today has been rather bland. Although, I managed to go and get a new bathing suit top for King's Island tomorrow. Gosh I can't wait ^.^ ... I need to get away from Kentucky for a day or two anyway. King's Island is only in Ohio, but at least I won't be here, tee hee. I am glad that I was able to get some cool journal customization ideas from meh friends. Please go to my info and scroll down to where it says hug me. I need LOTSA hugs -.-...I'm an emotional wreck and the more hugs, the betta! I sure hope something interesting happens tonight, I need some utter excitement in my life right now.

Oh yes, I almost forgot. Wednesday, we leave for King's Island. We will leave at around 6:30 p.m., drive up there, spend the night at a hotel, then get up the next morning and head up there. I will be going with the youth group and I am almost positive Molly and Cayce are going. They said they probably would. If they don't go, I don't want to go either, unless Hagen, Rachel, Ikia, or Nick go too because normally, those are the people I hang out with. I can't wait though! I love King's Island. I need to get acquainted again with the Son of Beast, LoL! I plan on getting a cool T-shirt while I am there, also. 'Twill be fun, I suppose. Going up there and spending the night is a lot better than getting to the church at 6:30 in the morning, I can tell you that, Hehe. Well that was what I forgot to tell you all. I hope wherever you are right now, you are having a blast! Peace.

Hello my minions...miss me?...Aww, well I'm back from dad's house, and believe it or not, I had a really good time down there! Saturday, me and dad went to TGI Friday's to eat, then we stopped by a new ice cream place to get, well, you know...some ice cream. I warn you though, the place is called 'Brusters' and if anyone goes there, don't get their banana split or brownie sundae unless you are wanting a meal! I'm tellin' you what, Those things were HUGE! It took me the whole day to eat all of mine, and even after that, there was still left over fudge that I couldn't eat. GO-LL-Y! Anyway, after that we rented some movies and I listened to music and stuff. I slept really, REALLY late today! *whispers she slept until after 2:00 p.m.* ahem, and when I DID get up, I got dressed and went out to listen to my dad's band play. We turned our connected garage into a band room and boy are they good, or what? Brach, the electric guitar player can play "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. Brach is awesome. They also play songs from, Lynard Skynard and cool bands like that. They managed to play "free bird" also. OMG I LOVE that song!! Well that was about all I did at dad's, other than fool around on the drums a little after the rest of the band left. I managed to bring my guitar home so I can get better at it. With me and Molly starting our band, I need to learn so I can be prepared. Anyway....

I found out some REALLY exciting news today! I e-mailed Sam last Friday, and guess what he did?...He e-mailed me back! SQUEE! He said gymnastics camp was fun, but that he was still getting used to the "Hellos" from his family, LoL! Anyway, I don't think I am going to try for Lee even if me and Sam don't work out...at least not until band starts. I thought about it, and I want Sam more than Lee. Therefore, I am going to try and get him. If me and him don't work out, then I will look for someone else. I already know that if I wanted a boyfriend RIGHT NOW, I could indeed get one. There are two boys that like me, and I am good friends with one of them. The other one is more so an acquaintance. *cough choke gasp wheeze*...sorry about that. Sooooo, my mom said that it would be better if I just had my birthday party at my house and I could let Molly, Cayce, and Lindsay spend the night with me. She said I could have lots of people over for the actual party, though. I don't want to invite Brandon anymore because he is nothing but a pain to me and we are better off not talking to each other for a while. I AM over him and I don't want us getting into fights and arguments with each other. When marching band starts I am hoping that we can at least get along without calling each other "Bitches" and "Assholes." If not, then I have my friends that I can stick with. Yays! Umm, my carpet for my room comes in between Tomorrow and Wednesday, I can't wait! I want my room because I need my privacy...Wells, I guess this is all the info I can share with you at this time. Hopefully, some interesting things will happen and then I can give you the details on those things. Later.

*yawns...sleepy, but I don't wanna go to sleep...yet I know I have to...Grr. I hate this, "There are soo many guys, I am only ONE person." Oh well, I stafe again.